Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Thursday (Part 2)

I’ve always known that I’m pretty much very practical in the way I approach things. Whenever I do a production, I begin at the end – what will the final product look like, when will it take place etc – and then work backwards along the lines of, “What steps do I need to put in place to make sure we get this to where it needs to be?”

I’m so like Mum in that. She wouldn’t have known how to put on a production. [Actually, after all her years with me and living through all my Drama (and dramas!), she just may have learnt!] Anyway, her approach to life was always very practical and very, very down-to-earth.

Knowing how similar we are and knowing what she’d say definitely helps me to be able to be logical about this and even helps me to be patient. Everything has to be in place, so the correct decisions can be made – and this needs to be a slow process.

Part of my practical nature is, I think, that I can accept things as they are. Mostly. (I also think this has something to do with old age – don’t know that I was quite so accepting in my youth!).

So, from all this comes the ‘this is as it is’ attitude. I can’t change the situation, but I can work with it.

Given a wish, though – by some magical fairy figure…

Look, if I could choose not to have cancer, I definitely would. Who on earth¬†would¬†want this? The one thing, though, that I truly wish I could take away is the hurt and anxiety it causes for others. I see the effect on my family and it hurts. I just can’t help feeling that they’ve all been through so much this year – we all have. It’s hard to know that this just makes it all the more difficult.

If I had a wish right now, just one wish – I don’t know what I would actually wish for. None of us would until the actual moment came upon us.

I do know, though, that I would do a lot to be able to spare my family, every single one of the many of us, from this angst. Anyway. And on top of everything else this year.

 

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