Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Wednesday 10th September

Today’s Mum’s birthday. It’s also nearly three months since she passed away. The worst thing in an already crap year.

A while ago, Queen Elizabeth declared that a certain year had been an ‘annus horribilis’ for her family. Well, we had our own version of an ‘annus horribilis’ in 2010. This year has been coming a close second, until now.

Now I think they may be parallel. Or worse.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. There. I’ve said it – in writing. I’ve even said it out loud. I think that I avoided that for a while, as saying it makes it seem so much more real. Well, I’m not so sure how much more real you can get than finding out that the lump they found in one boob and did a biopsy of is actually malignant.

Real and, I thought, would be absolutely terrifying. Well, not really. I’ve done being terrified. And I’m sure I will again. But this is not such a bad monster. It feels a little non-real, but it also feels like something that can be overcome. I know that I’ll be okay. It’s going to be a horrible – and quite long, I think – ride, but I will get there. Guess I am going to be shaving my hair again at next year’s Shavathon!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *