Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Wednesday 17th September

There’s a song in Evita, in which the character asks: “So, what happens now?”

The answer is: “Another suitcase in another hall.”

Well, I could do with my ‘suitcase being in another hall’!

Today is D-day. We will go to see the surgeon. In some ways, the wait is over. Well, the first part of the wait. What with me having a cold that is now in my chest and all, I think there may be more waiting, I am certainly not going to allow someone to operate on me when my asthma and everything may cause complications.

It’s funny how the mind works. Yesterday, I came out of a crit and saw that I had three missed calls from each of my three siblings, all within 5 minutes. I immediately panicked, knowing that there just had to be something very wrong and they were all phoning to tell me. Of course, I was wrong and the timing of the calls was simply coincidental. Just shows that my mind is ready for anything to happen in some ways. Having gone through so much this year, already, it’s not really surprising.

Everyone keeps telling me to take this whole thing step-by-step. That is the only way to do it, which has made everything a little unpredictable and even uncertain in the last week. Apart from learning to come to terms with this. Many times, I have thought along the lines of “Why me?”, but not in an overly-dramatic way. I think i inherited that from Mum – yes, why me, but at the same time, it is me, so I need to just get on with what has to be done and deal with it.

Phew! Brave words sometimes. Also, though, the only way to do this. 🙂


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