Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Friday 31st October

Day 25. (Or Day 3)

I thought this drain was blocking yesterday, but it seems to have been a false alarm. Yay. It isn’t draining a whole lot, which is either good / bad (not sure, anymore) – but it is draining!

It’s amazing what one gets used to – and what we are grateful for.

It’s also so interesting to look at people and wonder what they are living with, carrying around (literally and figuratively) and dealing with – all about which we have absolutely no idea.

I’ve been to see WarHorse twice this last week at Monte. (Lucky, lucky me!) It’s a wonderful production with absolutely amazing staging, not the least of which are the puppets.

Walking through Monte with all the people made me wonder what anyone would say if they knew I was walking right next to them with this pipe carrying ‘gruck’ coming out of me. I have this cute little bag strung around me, containing the drain, so you can’t see anything. It just made me think, though.

It also made me realise that we literally have no idea about what goes on in the world around us. We pass, interact with and even spend time with people – either who we don’t even know, or we know to varying degrees. And yet, we often know nothing. Even in this world of media and social media.

Unless, of course, there is one of those people who would update their status every 5 minutes, or tweet things like “Going to lunch with…” or “Passing Burger King” – you know, those really important, vital pieces of information that make everyone’s lives just so much richer. ( 😉  )

So much goes on of real worth, of real issue, about which we know nothing.

People are such interesting creatures!

I’m starting to get really scared of chemo – not ‘slight terror, bordering on extreme fear’, but scared. It’s a matter of days now. I have no idea how my body will react, but it holds no joy for me.

On the other hand, I know that this has to happen and will just have to work through whatever the consequences and effects are 🙂

That’s how one does this: onward and upward.

Hell, 8 weeks ago when the lump was first found, that was worrying enough. I had no idea how I would react to any further results, discoveries or news. And look at me now: quite a way up this mountain and plodding steadily along.


I’ve always said that this journey will be a bit kak – at least, in parts. Well, so it is. Perhaps the actually ‘kakkest’ part is to come. But it is also necessary and will be overcome 🙂




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