Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Friday 14th November

It has come to me that I have a new theme tune: Shake it Off by Taylor Swift.

Sarah and Dani love it, so I’ve heard it often, but haven’t really listened to it until this morning. The sentiment of the songs seems to echo not so much how I feel, but what I have found that I am good at doing: shaking off / getting rid of emotions quite quickly and when necessary.

Despite being generally up-beat and positive about climbing this mountain, I do have my slumps. Luckily, I think, or I may not really be human 😉 They tend to be short-lived, though. I am like that as a person: I can get very irritated, or very angry, very quickly – but then get over it just as quickly. I can also get very upset very quickly and sharply, then it’s over. With the cancer, though, I have found that I have moments of upset, or feelings of being overwhelmed that I may feel a need to indulge in. Very often I don’t, though, mostly because if those around me see me upset, it will cause them even more stress and upset. So, I have become adept at ‘shaking it off’ 🙂

I think this is all just a manifestation of what was picked up by some matrics I taught a few years ago, when they gave me the ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ award at the Matric Dance. Me? Quick to change mood? A Mr Hyde lurking somewhere all the time? NEVER!

At least, that was my reaction then. Since that revalation, I’m not so sure!

I have to say that I don’t feel this overwhelming need to be this great pillar of strength. Being the cause of upset is what causes me the most upset, though – so that is to be avoided.

Unfortunately, with something like this cancer thing and the chemo, it’s not always possible to avoid the fallout – and so that is why it is important to ‘shake it off’ as much as possible!

I think it’s also part of the whole ‘community’ thing. A chain may be as strong as its weakest link. It stands to reason, then,  that a community is only as strong as the weakest party that is being supported. I don’t think that I am necessarily a ‘weakest link’ – but, if I am the one who is in need of support at the moment, then that means the community is only as strong as I can be. So…

(I’m sure there is some cool / appropriate Latin phrase / initials that apply here, like QED…)  😉

So, sing on Taylor Swift! As much as I am sure that the actual words of the song don’t really apply to me (at least, I hope not) – the sentiment of the chorus sure does.

And I will continue to ‘Shake it off’ when needs be!



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