Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Tuesday 25th November

(Another) D-day.

Yay, chemo her I come! (Well, not really ‘Yay’, but may as well make the most of it. 😉 )

Last time I had chemo, I was not looking forward to the aftermath. I was concerned about the drip being put in, because I am so very unfond of needles, especially when they are being put into me. I was also not really looking forward to the side-effects kicking in. I didn’t really now exactly what it would be like, though.

Today, I am not looking forward to chemo – because I know.

I know how kak I felt for three days. I know how bad it made me feel psychologically, too. I know that I felt as though I was in some kind of a tunnel, from which there was no escape.

I also know, though, that it does come to an end. 🙂

Sometimes we need to endure what we need to endure.

What does worry me is that ‘they’ say that the effects are cumulative. Will that mean that the nausea is more intense, or that it lasts for longer?

I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. 🙁

I have come to the conclusion that anyone who has had cancer and the treatment can have no problem with the concept of faith. For getting on for three months now, I have been told a lot of things by a whole lot of different experts. I have been scanned, x-rayed, prodded and probed, cut up, sewn back up and had horrid-looking red drugs fed into me, felt sick and had my hair fall out. And yet, I have not seen or experienced any actual symptom of the disease / condition responsible for all that.

I only know why this has happened because ‘they’ (not ‘those that just say things’, but ‘them that know’) have told me and have done what must be done. In fact, are still doing so.

If that’s not some kind of faith (in the expertise and experience of medicine and medical experts), what is?

Whether one experiences a religious conversion having had cancer, or quite the opposite happens, there can be no doubt that the idea of believing in something you cannot see and trusting the advice / opinion of others must register with every cancer survivor.

I have known from the beginning that the experts have done the right thing. It’s not simply been blind faith. I have had every kind of confidence in everyone involved.

And in my God, who undoubtedly is guiding everything.

I have also been without any doubt that Mum has been sitting on a few doctors’ shoulders, just making sure they do it right!

After all, if you are going to give yourself over to the experts, they may as well be the best. And guided by the best.


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