Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Tuesday 5th May

On Friday I am having a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. I am sincerely not looking forward to the horrible preparation and special diet for the colonoscopy. Mostly, though, I am not relishing the thought of being prodded and poked. Again.

I need to have them done, though. Not for any other reason than I need to be sure. This is not, of course, enough reason for the doc to go ahead. He recommends that I have them done every five years, though, (at my age and with my family history), so it is time.

I absolutely do not think there is actually anything to find. This doesn’t mean that I am immune to doubts. I cannot get rid of the feeling of ‘what if?’ and ‘what then?’

I do think that those feelings are completely normal in any one, and especially in me, what with my recent medical history.

Those can be the most dreadful words in the English language: What if?

They can also be the most exciting.

Everything is about how we see it and how we choose to respond.


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