Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Wednesday 13th May

I went for a ‘follow up ultrasound’ of my boob and non-boob today. It was really weird being back at the place where it all began. On September 8th last year, I went for the mammogram and ultrasound, ended up having a biopsy and the rest, as they say, followed on after that.

I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I was there today. I pretty much knew that everything would be fine, because of what the doctors have said and the treatment that I’ve had. Nothing is absolute, though. I suppose there was always a very slight chance that the doc may see something strange.

On the contrary, though, he found nothing. He said he is not at all worried about my real boob – everything there is normal. He also said that the non-boob side is fine and that I don’t actually have that much scar tissue.

So, I am in the clear. Yay!

I will go for a mammogram in 6 months. I suppose that will mean a mammo of the real boob only, as it’s not possible to do one when there is no boob.

I told the doc that there is always this horrible feeling I get when someone mentions that either they have had, or they know someone who has had, a recurrence of breast cancer, usually years after the first bout. He told me that the chances of me having a recurrence are less than minimal, although nothing is definite. Given my scenario, though, and all the treatment, I am healthy forever!

I do know this. There will always be those little moments, though. It’s only natural and I am human, after all! (Even though I am now officially truly Amazonian.)  😉

I sometimes have visions of those women warriors of legend. Did they all really have one boob cut off. What on earth did it all look like?

I am one person who can truly and accurately imagine that.

I still have those moments when I wonder about what other women experience and what other mastectomies look like. Am I normal (in my forced abnormality)? Does everyone have this degree of swelling, or what seems to be swelling, around the scar and under the arm?

Then, of course, I have those ‘how long is a piece of string’ / ‘everyone is individual’ moments and I know that coping with my own body and the changes is enough for me to be bothering with.

At least, for now.



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