Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Thursday 4th June

Put me with a group of like-minded people, who are willing to go on a creative journey with me and I think I have found my calling. Put me with a group of students and give us the excuse, or opportunity, to make some form of production and I know just why I do what I do.

I became a teacher kind of by default and kind of by design. I went to Drama school, not specifically to do education, but because I wanted to work with film and television. At some stage, this morphed into wanting to become involved in teaching about making films. Somewhere else along the line, it all became about teaching.

Whatever else I am, at heart I will always be a teacher.

I never knew this growing up. It wasn’t like I had this great calling, or very strong idea that I wanted to educate people. It’s been something that I really have grown into.

I wonder how much of what we will become and what we will do is pretty much programmed into us and determined from young. I remember that, whenever we went on a journey and we passed through a little town, I was interested inalmost fascinated by, but not quite) the idea of where everyone went to school.

Maybe my ‘teacher-brain’ was priming itself already.

Maybe there are lots of things in our lives that are there and just waiting for their moment, or for the thing that kick starts them.

No-one can tell exactly when the lump in my boob started growing. They couldn’t even tell how long it had been there. Quite a few of the docs suggested that it could have been brought about, or exacerbated, by stress.

The trauma of Mum’s death may have affected the rate of growth. Ironically, or perhaps correctly, it was indirectly because of her death that the lump was found – perhaps at all, definitely so early.

God has a way of working things out.

Whichever way you look at things, to me, there is just so much evidence of things happening according to some form of pattern. I truly am not a fatalist, but I do believe that things work out according to the way they should. There are some bumps (and lumps) along the way and, often enough, things don’t work out quite as you thought they would, or even as you planned. In the end, though, I truly do think that things work themselves out the best way possible.

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