Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Saturday 18th July

Today is Mandela Day. Even though he’s been gone for a while now, the legacy of someone like that should be honoured and live on forever.

We did the Parkrun this morning. I’m not even registered for these runs, but have actually done four already. It’s a bit of a challenge to get up pretty early and go out in the cold, but once I’m out and about, I enjoy doing the distance. I can’t say that I exactly run, it’s more of a walk, because I am just not fit enough yet, but it is nice to be out and about. I don’t think that I’m going to be very diligent about going every Saturday, but dong the run every-so-often is enjoyable.

I find that, in my old age, I am not as competitive as I was when I was younger. This is either a good or a bad thing. I don’t like feeling under pressure when it comes to running – if I know that there are people behind me and that I need to keep up a fairly decent pace if I don’t want to be overtaken. I run for me, not to prove anything to anyone, so I don’t even bother to time myself. However, when I’m fit again, I might just try one of the Parkruns seriously and actually see what I am capable of.

When I am fit again…

It’s the Canoe Polo Africa Champs in September and it feels weird not to be thinking about going for the squad, or working out how to get to the competition. I find myself wondering for a moment or two if I should consider playing, but know that I will simply not be fit enough and that the muscles in my side still need time to get back to at least a resemblance of normal.

It is also too cold to think about playing polo right now.

I have decided that I am going to try playing tennis again. I miss playing, as I haven’t been on a court since the whole cancer thing.

Again, it’s about giving myself time.

I read a lovely thing on Facebook – something written by a 90-year-old woman giving her version of things to remember about life. One of these is “Give time time”. It made me think of the oncologist’s advice to give myself time to get completely better – and not so tired.

So, I will continue to try to be patient (what choice do I really have?) and to let my body continue on the road to full recovery. I will, of course, never be back to where I was, simply because I have been changed physically – and psychologically, I suppose – because of the cancer thing. I will get as close as dammit to ‘normal’, though. In time.


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