Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Saturday 8th August

I’ve never really been fond of travelling by car. I’ve always wanted to get to the place and not to lose out on time there – particularly somewhere like the farm, which is very special to me (to all of us) and where we most often go for shorter time periods. To do things along the way that seem, to me, to waste time and make the ‘getting there’ longer, just irritates me and I then don’t like the journey.

It is only in more recent years that I have really learnt to have the attitude that the journey is truly part of the holiday, part of the fun.

When we are going to the farm, I am still anxious to get there as promptly as possible, but the journey is fun too 🙂

Today, we came down to the farm, just for the long weekend. We couldn’t leave yesterday, because of work and school, so it was early(ish) this morning. Then we visited family, so we only got here about 3, or so. Funnily, though, it didn’t matter to me that we took a while to get here, because the visit was great fun and long overdue. The journey itself actually seemed quite short.

The visit also meant that Michael had the chance to shoot with a .303, which he has not done before. The girls and I also shot, although this was not our first time with the same gun.

Times like that, visits on the way that take us out of the way of the main purpose of our journeys can be so meaningful and offer so much. In this case, it was about new experiences and family bonding. Neither of these is a bad thing.

Less literal journeys, like that of this cancer thing, are like that too. I think that we all have to accept that the journey is part of the process of getting there, which makes the destination all that more valuable when it is reached. Also, there are moments, ‘visits’, encounters along the way that just enrich our lives.

For me, quite a lot of this has been via things like messages on Facebook and other feedback and wishes I have received as I’ve gone through this. It has been these moments, long and short, that have offered so much support, escape and strength as I have taken this journey.

I’m not sure where the final destination is. I think I will never actually reach it, as the image and impact of the insidious intruder will never actually be gone. I do know, though, that it has been a helluva ride that I would rather have not had to undertake, but which has given me so much, even as it has taken away.

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