Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Sunday 23rd August

Sometimes I hate having had cancer.

Sometimes I am highly resentful that the silly thing chose me to invade and that I had to have all the treatment with the after-effects and long term changes to what I knew as me.

Even as I think this, I can hear a part of my brain telling me to get with it and to just accept what has happened and to deal with the consequences.

I do. Most of the time. Nearly all the time, in fact.

It is just sometimes that I am allowed to be completely human and to indulge in the feelings of upset and resentment.

Then, of course, that is over and I am back to just being and doing what has to be done. That is the best way to tackle most things, after all 🙂

Tonight the cast of my play made me proud, for a number of reasons. They have come a long way on individual journeys, as well as the route we have all taken together. One more dress rehearsal, then opening night!

I am reminded, again, of Hannibal Smith’s (from the A-team) famous saying, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

I think I love it even more when the ‘plan’ sees a group of quite different individuals with actually very little experience in the field come to the party, put themselves ‘on the line’ and do themselves – and me – proud.

This play is proving to be a personal journey for many of us involved. For me, it is the 4th adaptation of an original idea, that has worked in performance in different contexts very well each time. I think, though, that this version is the most effective so far. This is where the story has been moving towards. Thanks to the group of wonderful students and the courage and trust of two in particular, we are telling a powerful story.

Ultimately, it’s all about the people and, for this production, all around me I have good people.


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