Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Thursday 13th August

Hannibal Smith, from the A-Team, used to say, “I love it when a plan comes together.” Well, me too. Sometimes, though, there is just so much work to do, so many frustrations to bear and so, so much energy to expend during the realisation of the plan that you end up wondering if it is actually worth it.

I am doing this production at the moment. Mostly, it is great fun and everyone is playing their part and doing what needs to be done to make it work. Then there are those individuals who are just demanding, draining and just plain delinquent.

It all makes me wonder why I launch myself into these situations, or, at least on the paths that inevitably lead to these situations. One day I would like to do a project like this and not be let down so many times by the vagrancies of the human spirit. Unfortunately, for me, I thought that working with older ‘young adults’ this time would make a difference.

Apparently not.

On the other hand, the other production we are working on (me and the older, older ‘young adults’ 😉 ) is going really well. Perhaps there is hope for humanity after all and plans do actually come together without that much delinquency being involved!

The thing is that it is very difficult to change the way we do things, I think. When I do a production, I like to make it as inclusive as possible, because I believe in giving chances and I also know how much one gets out of doing things like this. Apparently these lessons are not quite so easy to learn.

The cancer thing is something that teaches its own range of lessons, over and over and not all of them are easy to learn.

One of the lessons it teaches is tolerance. And patience. (At least, it may not teach about patience, but it sure demonstrates over and over again the need for this quality.) I am not a very patient person – mostly, yet I can wait for many things quite happily, or not. During the cancer thing and the treatment, there was plenty of waiting around – either for something to happen, or to let some kind of recovery take place before the next step could be taken.

There are times when we have lessons and demands thrust upon us.

I can’t say that I have necessarily learnt to be that much more patient as a result of this experience. I do, perhaps, have a greater appreciation of the need to be patient and of those who have the ability.

I still don’t suffer fools gladly, though, and can become irritated quite quickly at times. And I still don’t have the patience for those who don’t play their part so that things work out as they should.

Sometimes it’s about changing plans midway and then making that work, making the new plan come together.

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