Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Back in the saddle…

Last night I went to the dam, mainly to fetch Sarah, but also because I felt like going to just check it out.

It’s not unusual for me to be at the dam – Dani still does paddling twice a week and I have been paddling again, now that the weather is warming up. It was unusual, though, to be there on a Time Trial night, with polo games going on.

Actually, David and Sarah were playing last night, so I wanted to watch. And it was really nice to be back among a lot of familiar faces, to see people I hadn’t seen for a long time and to see polo being run in such an organised manner.

Things in the world do move.

It was also a bit like I felt about 4 years ago, when Sarah was playing and David had just begun. I was the mother, who hadn’t got into a boat and was there to support my children. Things changed, though, and I got into a boat and was playing regularly. Which I miss.

I have decided that this is enough of the ‘because of the fallout after the ops’ now. I have been sensible, eminently so, and I have not tried to do anything that I know will cause strain to the muscles in my right side. As everyone says, step-by-step and do things slowly.

Well, polo can be done slowly too. I am going to start playing again, even if that means getting in a boat and paddling round the dam a couple of times for a whole lot of weeks until my muscles really do get strong enough to withstand the strange and erratic patterns of punishment during a game.

It will be a little like when I first started playing. At least, though, I will be able to paddle straight this time!

I could be upset and resentful of the cancer thing and the fallout, but (as I am fond of saying about a lot of things), how does that help me? The answer is, of course, that it doesn’t.

So, onward and upward – or, at least, forwards (there being very few mountains on a dam!).

And that is how the battles are won.


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