Jane Ballot

Being me in the world

Moving onwards

There are special moments, special things that happen for which we often will plan and of which we are very well aware.
There are those moments that are supposed to be special, for which we may plan, but which (for various reasons) never quite work out as planned. Or hoped for.
Then there are those perfectly ordinary moments that become special, often simply because we look back at them from a slightly different position and realise just what they offered. Sometimes it is these moments that are the rarest and the most special.
I have so often found my life basically ruled by the old maxim that ‘the best laid schemes of mice and men gan aft aglee’ – which doesn’t preclude any planning, it just means that, quite often (not always, luckily) it is necessary to roll with the punches, go with the flow and generally follow the crowd (for want of another saying to throw in there!)
Actually, often when our plans don’t quite work out as, well planned, we need to readjust and move forwards. Sometimes (mostly rarely) there has to be a complete change and a re-shifting, rather than readjustment.
Mostly, though, I suppose, things tend to go the way we plan, or at least in that general direction.
Then, of course, something like cancer rears its ugly head and everything is cast awry for a while, until we can get back on an even keel and keep moving on. Life doesn’t stop when we want it to, but keeps moving onwards.
At times I’m reminded of the song “Stop the world, I want to get off” (at least, I think it was a song). The sentiment is so appropriate at times. Sometimes it would be so wonderful to be able to just move out of the stream, which doesn’t only mean work, or school, or the demands of doing life, but, simply, to be able to let things go on around you as they need to and to be able to just sit and watch the passing parade.
Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that. Even on holiday, there are mouths to be fed and dishes to be washed. I suppose that one can always pay someone else to do the mundanities. Nothing is ever static, though. Everything moves. This means, of course, that as much as the good times and moments cannot last forever, so is this true of the bad times.
Sometimes there are reminders of horrible things, like this chemo taste that just refuses to go. Often, very often, there are good memories and wonderful images that stay with us forever.
Good and bad, the general trajectory is forward. The trick is to know both how to plan and how to let go. And, sometimes, how to just go with the flow.

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