Being me in the world
Today is Dani’s birthday. 16 years ago, I faced a Caesar and the trauma (or so it seemed then) of being cut open. I used to wish that there was some way the baby could just kind of ‘osmose’ out and I wouldn’t have to face the horrible thoughts of the anaesthetic and the operation…
Tonight Oupa asked me a question about comparing my experience and ongoing ‘ordeal’ with something like heart bypass surgery. I could only tell him that I cannot speak from a position of authority. It also made me think. In some ways, I feel like a bit of a fraud, because I do know for a…
I wonder for how long the first week or so of a month is going to register in my head as an anniversary to do with the cancer: finding the lump, the mastectomy, the mammogram and biopsy; the diagnosis. I couldn’t routinely say without actually thinking for a second or two (or doing the calculation)…
I have a habit of not deleting the pictures on my memory sticks, even though they have been saved on my computer. Well, not easily. If I have to take pics and my stick is full, then I will go through what I have and try to delete the not so important ones. It is…
There are various places where I feel at home. 55 was always one of those places. That has gone, but I am still at home in all my memories. Our house is, of course, also one of those places: home, familiarity, security. Family. Then there is the farm; and Sedgefield; and East London; and Mabula….
Put me with a group of like-minded people, who are willing to go on a creative journey with me and I think I have found my calling. Put me with a group of students and give us the excuse, or opportunity, to make some form of production and I know just why I do what…
Today Dani asked me how I will know when I am back to normal. It made me think. It’s like another question that has kind of bugged me: when do I know this journey is over? The ‘back to normal’ question does have some form of answer. I told Dani that I will feel that…
I’ve been running regularly again – for the last few days, at any rate. It feels as though I am ‘back in the saddle again’. This doesn’t mean that I am suddenly able / fit enough to run more than a couple of kms – and slowly at that. It just feels good to be…
It’s nearly nine months since the lump was found in my boob and nearly 8 months since the mastectomy. When I read back what I wrote about then, I am reminded of the horrible time I actually had with uncertainty and operations and drains in forever and things getting infected. And that was all before…
I am not a fatalist and I don’t think I actually believe that everything is pre-ordained to the degree that things happen to us according to a plan and we kind of just fit in. I do believe, though, that there are lessons to be learned all over the place, if we are just open…