Being me in the world
Today was a peaceful, ordinary day in many ways. Interestingly enough, I have also been quite fine about Mum the whole day. I have missed her, of course, but today has not had horrible memories. I think I did all that yesterday. What I did find today, is that I had one of those moments…
Tomorrow is the anniversary of Mum’s funeral – and it all just seems so much more awful today and so not true. I’ve been sitting watching the DVD of the funeral and looking at pics of Mum on my computer. I want to leap up and go running around, destroying the evidence and screaming that…
This evening, I went to collect a DVD from someone I haven’t seen for many months and ended up having tea and a good chat. On the way home, I drove past the home of someone else I was really friendly with a few years ago. I decided to phone her just to say hello….
Note to self: next time you notice your ipod is flat, charge it! I set off for a run today, the first time in a couple of weeks, because I have had a cold and have been being eminently sensible and not overdoing it. I usually run with music, as this helps me to zone…
Sometimes I hate only having one boob. Sometimes it really upsets me that I have had to have this happen to me. Sometimes it is just horrible. At other times, it really doesn’t bother me and is almost normal. Sometimes I don’t even notice the discomfort, pulling and now pain in my right side, particularly…
Sometimes Mum can seem so close and, at others, not quite with me, but just somewhere round a corner. Tonight Carl and I went to the photographic group meeting and wandered around the Wanderers Club (no pun…) taking photos. It was something that Mum would have enjoyed no end and she was there, I’m sure,…
It always fascinates me how the same space can have such different feelings associated with it at different times, or can be reconfigured to function in totally different ways with completely varied connotations – often simply on two separate days. On Saturday morning, there we were in the park opposite the church pretty much freezing…
The next time anyone mentions the chemo taste, I am going to freak! (Or try very, very hard to pretend I haven’t heard). It’s happened again. I haven’t had the chemo taste for a good few days. Carl asked me about it a day / two ago. This afternoon it came back again and has…
The ‘year of firsts’ is officially over. Today is the day Mum died. The first anniversary. The day we’ve all been dreading, I think. It has also been a wonderful day. In most ways, today was just an ordinary day. Another Friday. The end of Teaching Experience for the students, which means back to lectures…
Sometimes you just can’t believe that things actually happened. Despite the pain and discomfort in my side and the absence of my boob, the whole cancer thing seems so remote and surreal. Despite all the evidence and her absence from our lives, I just cannot believe that Mum has actually gone. So many sayings seem…