Being me in the world
Mother’s Day. The first without Mum. The first when I am a mum and not, actually, a daughter. Nothing stops the feelings, though. Even though Mum is not here in the flesh, Mother’s Day will always also be about her. Paul and I went to church with Carl and Dale today, then to breakfast. It…
‘Another day, another dollar’ is a phrase that comes to mind in my life every-so-often. I feel bad if I don’t work enough on a particular day. For me, this usually means that I have not got up early enough and done work on the computer before the usual things of the day really begin….
I had the scopes today. It was kind of surreal being back in the patient’s chair this time, not bed (they have a very efficient way of doing scopes that does not involve being in an actual hospital ward). It was kind of all too familiar – and not: different hospital, different reason, different process….
I saw the oncologist today and was pronounced fit and healthy. He said that everything is looking good and progressing normally. When I told him that I still get tired, he grinned (wryly, I think, but I’m not sure that it the best adverb to use here) and told me to give myself time. For…
I am scared for the scopes on Friday. Well, not really scared, but definitely a lot nervous and concerned about the process and, strangely, the outcome. If I am brutally honest with myself, I cannot find an understanding, or even the slightest hint of there being anything wrong. There is just this underlying concern about…
On Friday I am having a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. I am sincerely not looking forward to the horrible preparation and special diet for the colonoscopy. Mostly, though, I am not relishing the thought of being prodded and poked. Again. I need to have them done, though. Not for any other reason than I need to…
The day Mum died is creeping closer and closer. With it the ‘year of firsts’ will be over, which is supposed to be the worst time after losing someone. I don’t know that any time will be worse, because it’s all just horrible. I do know, after losing Dad, that the sharpness of the grief…
Every so often, I get a hint of just how deep-seated feelings can be, that we aren’t even aware we may have – and of how much they need to come to the surface sometimes. I went for a run this evening. The light was beautiful and the air remarkably warm. My legs and knees…
Today dawned bright and sunny again. Well, during the managers’ meeting, the sun came up. Last night I was not so lonely in my canvas ‘house’, as Sarah is here and we both snuggled into hour cocoons to keep warm. Apart from all the paddling, yesterday had its little excitements, so hopefully today will be…
Workers’ Day today. Boy, did I work! Today, I went alone to the team managers’ meeting, because I thought that Dani needed to sleep in and it really was not necessary for us both to be there. After all, she paddled a number of kilometres yesterday, including sprinting just a few of them! It’s amazing…